Why all the red matters to me
It has been quite a week. For me personally and our country as the Supreme Court heard oral arguments in both the Prop 8 and DOMA cases. (You can read my report from DC here) Oh yeah and it is Passover and Holy Week, too.
And then there was the big surprise.
Human Rights Campaign changed their typically blue and yellow logo to red in support of marriage equality and the image went viral. On Wednesday I read a report that said the image was shared at least 43,000 times. (See and read an analysis on the HRC site of the change)
So what?
Personally this sea of red was incredibly moving to me. In the process of coming out to myself I made LOTS of false assumptions about how people might respond. I was scared and felt alone. Once I completed the most difficult task, coming out to myself, and then shared the information with my family and friends I was only welcomed with acceptance and love. I have not lost one friend or significant relationship with anyone I care about because I am a lesbian. I remember the tear-filled coming out conversation with MY SISTER when she said something like, “I’ve known you were a lesbian since you were 15.” To which I responded in hysterical tears, “Why didn’t you tell me! It would have been so much easier!” Even as I type those words I can hear her laughter at how ridiculous that was. Coming out was my own journey, my own process. Not one that anyone could speed up or slow down.
I wonder what it must feel like to the person still in the closet to see their friends and family, allies and LGBT, affirming that they are supportive in a subtle yet very public way. I assure you, that red symbol made a difference.
My colleague, Rabbi Mark Kaiserman, wrote this on his Facebook wall about why the sea of red matters:
Why changing the profile photo does matter.
As your timeline filled with notes about people changing their profile photo to red squares with 2 stripes (including the matzah and Yoda), many scoffed. “Why does it matter? Is the Supreme Court checking Facebook?
But it does matter.
The arguments for equality in marriage are at this exciting moment of possibility because public opinion has changed. When DOMA was signed, only 25% of Americans supported legal same sex marriage. Now it is more the 50%.
If you are seeing the flood of profile changes, it reinforces that your Fb friends are pro-equality and freedom. It helps influence those still on the fence. And it shows incredible support and solidarity with every GLBT individual and couple currently denied the right to marry by the Federal government.
This is a the same show of unity that you find going to a sports event with everyone in the same color, or a breast cancer walk with everyone in pink, or even people wearing green for St. Patrick Day. You can still support the cause without the “colors”. But this is a way to show it electronically. It is our digital community coming together for freedom and I am grateful to every person who has made the temporary switch.
I couldn’t agree more.
So though changing a profile picture to red might just be passive activism it does make a difference. And because I’m the Executive Director of an organization that is trying to make a difference EVERY DAY, if you want to move from passive to active support, here is a link to California Faith for Equality’s site where your secure, tax-deductible contribution will make a big difference.
Thank you for making a difference.
A radical change
A few weeks ago I wrote about having trouble reading. One of my awesome classmates and colleagues wisely suggested I get my eyes checked.
Since I couldn’t exactly remember the last time I had my eyes checked this seemed like a brilliant suggestion. (It was definitely when I lived in the T-Dot).
I made an appointment from a recommended ophthalmologist. I packed up my pairs of glasses (I have 2 pair) ready to have my eyes checked and anticipating some change in my prescription (and spending money on a new lenses). All the usual eye doctor things happened. I read the eye chart with each eye covered (not at the same time!). I told him of my troubles with reading of late (also acknowledging that I spend a lot of time looking at screens of various sizes) and I have dry eyes generally.
Then he shocked me.
“You don’t need glasses. At least not for distance.”
What?? I have been wearing glasses for distance since I was a senior in high school. I have taken to wearing glasses most of the time (including prescription sunglasses) and see glasses as helpful but also a fun accessory. Being me I say, “You mean I don’t have to splurge on prescription sunglasses anymore and I could just go pick up a pair anywhere?”
“Sometimes this happens with people your age,” he said.
I think he might have been able to pick my chin up off the floor.
HOWEVER (you know that was coming) he then checked my vision for reading. I need READING glasses. Of course, cheaters won’t work exactly but me and your grandma both need glasses to see best for reading. (Until they’re ready I’ve been increasing the font size on my various devices).
“It is pretty uncommon for someone your age. You might have ___________________, but it just means that you need reading glasses prematurely. Come back in a year and I will check your eyes again,” he said.
The rest of the visit was routine. My eyes were dilated and everything looks healthy.
It’s been about 5 days since the big no glasses move. It still seems like I am missing something or forgetting to put something on when I’m working. I have to say that my eyes feel better.
Elementary school musings
This past weekend I attended my elementary school reunion. That’s right, elementary school. I attended Baldwin Hills Gifted Magnet for all six of those years (until we moved from LA to MN). Thanks to the magic of Facebook. one of my classmates got enough of us together to make this amazing reunion happen!
Many people seem surprised that there could be a reunion from a LAUSD school. My class was different. Because we were in a gifted magnet program in a school essentially I went through every year with the same students. I believe in fourth and fifth grades we were in split classrooms but otherwise, many of the people in the picture to the left I knew for a long time!
Baldwin Hills was a really special place. Celebrating multiculturalism was a tenet of the school. We celebrated everyone’s holiday. We learned and performed an Irish jig, a Mexican dance and celebrated MLK day annually. 
Sitting around the fire pit at the reunion all of these years later, it was fascinating to hear how our collective experience at Baldwin Hills impacted our lives. We all feel so comfortable in multicultural settings.
I am so grateful that I got to attend this school. Grateful that one of my classmates organized this amazing reunion and that I got to be there! I am proud that each of these people were my classmates.
What was your elementary school like?
What’s in a title?
I’ve been ruminating. Dangerous. One of my least favorite moments of rabbinic life (and honestly, there aren’t that many), is when someone called me “Rabbi Ellie”. You see, I completed nine years of schooling to receive my rabbinic ordination and the sound of “Rabbi Ellie” sounds like nails on a chalkboard in my head. There is this uncomfortable trend I’ve both observed and heard about from many that male rabbis are referred to as “Rabbi LastName” while female rabbis are called “Rabbi FirstName” by default.
It is for this reason that when I started at my first synagogue post I was adamant that I was to be called Rabbi Steinman. The exception is for students under the age of Bar/Bat Mitzvah and remains that narrow. My congregants were more than happy to oblige. Not all of my colleagues felt the same way. Another rabbi and I were both recipients of an email that said, “Dear Rabbi FirstName and Rabbi Steinman.” Confusing.
I vividly recall a conversation with one of my uncles who puzzled at my problem with “Rabbi FirstName”. I stopped him in his tracks when I asked how he might respond if he was introduced as Dr. Louie (not his real name) instead of Dr. Steinman. I watched as the proverbial lightbulb lit up above his head. No further discussion. He got it.
What will I do when I again work in an environment when the custom is to refer to all of the clergy as Rabbi or Cantor FirstName? I do not yet know. I look forward to having that problem.
This whole issue begs the question that I would love some comments on, is this a gender issue or a societal change from formal to more informal? Do parents introduce their adult friends to their children as Mr. or Ms so-and-so? Does everyone go by first names? Thoughts?
Mystery solved!
I have excellent news for those of you who, like me, lost sleep over the case of the missing Machzor. The good news is that my machzor (High Holy Day prayerbook) has been found.
The book was missing for two years of High Holy Day worship. One year at TS which was somewhat complicated since I actually needed the book (though I did manage to get by with other resources (mostly a photocopied Machzor in a 3-ring binder). This year in MN I borrowed a Gates of Red from MY DAD for RH and the shul I attended for YK used a different book so it was all good.
I have no idea why it took 2 years to find this book. I know TS stores all of the books throughout the year but you’d think the large gold sticker (thanks to LBN for the awesome ordination gift, an embosser), the paper clips and the innumerable pieces of paper sticking out might have made it obvious or that the person who used the book may have found it, seen the priceless nameplate that this was a gift to me in celebration of my Bat Mitzvah and given it to someone.
Nevertheless, I am grateful to the person(s) who found my precious prayer book and gave it to someone who returned it to me. Thank you to THE POET friend for hand delivering the book to me in LA LA LAND, too.
