Rabbi Eleanor Steinman

Thanks to those other holidays that occur around Chanukah, for many families Chanukah is a time for being together.  For some this is a joyous celebration.  Others find this to be a painful time of year because they are alone, their family is gone and with everyone else so centered on their own family they do not want to be a burden.  For many this is not a positive thing.  It means heightened anxiety, putting up with Uncle ____’s behaviors that irritate, and heightened sensitivity.  One thing about our families of origin is that for the most part, we don’t get to choose them.  We’re stuck with them and they’re stuck with us.

What then, are the positive memories you have of Chanukah?  Perhaps this can be the primary focus as we light those chanukiyot for the penultimate time.  Let this be our intention when we take those few seconds to recall the faces of those we loved whose reflection will burn forever in the glow of the candles.

Here is one of my favorite memories.

When I was much younger, I received the Chanukah gift that keeps on giving.  The gift itself wasn’t so extraordinary, it was the way that my Papa Joe delivered it to me.  I was young.  Very young since my Papa Joe died just after my eighth birthday.  I was sitting in the den at our house on Maryland Drive and he and Mar-Mar were coming over for dinner.  I was not able to appreciate how easy it was for all of my grandparents to come over for dinner on a weekly basis until it was far too late.  I knew we were expecting company, and I assure you, this would not interfere with watching The Brady Bunch.  Obviously my homework was done because I wasn’t allowed to watch tv until it was.  The doorbell must have sounded and someone else answered it.  I don’t so much remember that part.  What I do remember is the sound of  my Papa Joe whistling a little tune as he walked down the hallway.  He was getting older and wasn’t as steady on his feet though I know this was before a cane became his constant companion.   As he turned the corner, I saw out of the corner of my eye that he was rolling two pink and white hula hoops.  One for me.  One for my sister.  The Brady Bunch no longer existed.  It was a night for hula hooping!  It was one of the most exciting nights of Chanukah ever, and one of the most vivid memories of my Papa Joe that I have.  I can see his smile as he watched my sister and I hula hoop, and even Mar-Mar gave it a try. And because it is me, I must share that it was this night that led to my record of winning every hula hooping contest at many a b’nai Mitzvah celebration for years to come.

What is your favorite Chanukah memory?

Mazon is doing a brilliant campaign during Chanukah.  To contribute (remember even $8 makes a huge difference) go here.

Thank you Washington, DC for a most excellent present for the entire nation.  By approving marriage equality at the Council of the District of Columbia (twice), the mayor of the city will then sign the bill and it will be sent to Congress.  For more information, go here.  Remember marriage equality is a fight that is not over.  Marriage equality enhances the integrity of all unions.

I am privileged right now to live in a province where marriage equality is the rule of law.  As a person who is given authority by the province to perform wedding ceremonies, I feel that I am truly a mesaderet kiddushin, a Jewish officiant, in the most authentic way.  I am sad for my colleagues south of the border who do not have the same opportunity to sign marriage licenses with the same authority from the state and national government.

This is the season of dedication, let us use this as a time to double our efforts to ensure that marriage equality becomes a reality for all North American citizens.

Many of us know that the reason for the lighting candles during Chanukah is because of the ‘miracle’ of oil lasting for 8 days.  Therefore we also eat oily foods like fried potatoes and donuts.  This of course is a wonderful story to tell impressionable children and the ‘real’ story of Chanukah is quite different.  During the time of the Maccabees the celebration of the holiday of Sukkot was of primary importance.  Referred to as ‘heChag,’ ‘The Holiday’ the Judeans were not able to offer the sacrifices and fulfill the other obligations.  As soon as it was possible for the celebration of this holiday, after the dedication of the Temple in Jerusalem, the people celebrated an 8-day holiday.  (Did I mention that Sukkot is an 8-day observance)?

The news that Chanukah was not a new holiday but an observance of a Biblical festival at the earliest convenience comes to many adults as a painful shock.  Far too many Jewish adults stop their Jewish learning at 13 and they do not pursue learning opportunities.  It is the responsibility for rabbis and Jewish educators to create learning opportunities that are interesting, informative, and do not perpetuate the pediatric stories that once made perfect sense.   When I told my Uncle H about the real story of Chanukah he was tremendously upset.  The jury is still out as to whether or not he will forgive me.

(Uncle H, the tooth fairy isn’t real either).

Thank you kind readers for the myriad of responses to yesterday’s post.

I personally am a fan of applesauce on my latkes though I did grow up in the same house as the person who commented on the use of sugar on latkes.  I don’t generally like sour cream on anything, not even baked potatoes really.

I also do enjoy the new twists on latkes.  My Papa used to tell my mom every year that his mother always put carrots in the latkes for sweetness.  My mom never put carrots in her latkes however this did not stop the tradition of my grandfather telling my mom every year about the carrots.  I love sweet potatoes and don’t think that they are bad in any form.  I also enjoy most other vegetables so I say go ahead, fry away!

Today I ate some latkes.  They were pretty standard potato latkes.  They weren’t made by anyone that I knew particularly well, and they were delicious.  Obviously, my mom’s are still the best but I am entirely biased.  On this, the 3rd night of Chanukah I have two questions, dear reader.

1.  Applesauce or sour cream?

2. What do you think of the new twists on latkes?  Sweet potato additions and such?

My answers will appear tomorrow for night #4.

I suggest reading this about the Chanukah story and the way that that tale is told again and again and relates to our lives.

I am giving myself the challenge of writing a blog post for every night of Chanukah.  Ok, I might get helped out by the ‘publish later’ option.  Nevertheless, here we are!  Chanukah has arrived.  As I was driving to the office today I remembered one of the fun parts about Chanukah is Radio Chanukah on XM or Sirius.  I tuned in and was reminded of the power of Jewish music.  Whether it is Irving Berlin’s White Christmas, George Gershwin’s Rhapsody in Blue, or Debbie Friedman’s I am a Latke, Jewish contributions to music are immense.  What might happen if during the eight days of Chanukah we all made an effort to listen to music written by Jews?  How might these sounds help enrich our Chanukah experience?  Give it a try.  Let me know!  Chag urim sameach and Shabbat Shalom!

Police prepare to arrest Nofrat Frenkel for wearing a prayer shawl

It should be no surprise to anyone that I have met, ever, that I don’t like injustice.  I don’t like being told that I can’t do something because of my gender, age, religion, or pretty much anything else.  Recently the news coming out of Israel, Jerusalem specifically is making me furious.  Above is an image from the Women of the Wall on Rosh Chodesh Kislev when a young woman was arrested for wearing a tallit.  Women of the Wall is a group that has been meeting for twenty years at the Kotel, the Western Wall to prayer together every Rosh Chodesh (first of the month).  Throughout the group’s history there has been a lot of strife because the Orthodox people who like to pray at the Kotel don’t like the way these women pray.  They sing aloud, they read Torah, and they define themselves as a minyan (quorum of ten Jews). Throughout the years this women’s group composed of Jews from all streams have been harassed, attacked, and seen court cases brought against them.  One of the latest blows is the prohibition from reading Torah in the Kotel plaza.  In order to avoid arrests, the group moves from the Western Wall to another area and reads the Torah from that location.

Nofrat Frenkel was arrested for, “performing a religious act that offends the feelings of others.”  She was wearing a tallit, a prayer shawl.  She is on the left above. There were other women wearing tallitot.  The Women of the Wall recently received a new Torah which they needed to keep in a duffel bag to be brought out at the appropriate time.  On the mens side, note that there are several hundred Torah scrolls and there are none on the womens side.  Nofrat Frenkel was holding the Torah scroll as they group tried to leave the plaza and was pushed ahead by police while still carrying the Torah and brought to the police station.  I’m summarizing here and hopefully I have most of the details correct.  You can find more on this story online.

As if this wasn’t enough to get my blood boiling the Israel Religious Action Center is now reporting of numerous policies within Israel that are segregating society in favor of the haredi, ultra-orthodox, needs.  For example, there are public buses that are now gender segregated, medical clinics that sees male and female patients on different days, post offices that have separate lines, stores with different entrances, and sidewalks that are divided.  You can find out a lot more about what is going on in Israel from the IRAC and I hope that you will read up on these issues!

In a recent post, Rabbi Denise L. Eger writes about how women are under attack not just in Afghanistan and Israel but in the latest health care bill.  You can read what she wrote, here in case I am not convincing enough.

We are approaching a major season of giving and a time when we can get our last contributions in before the end of the calendar year.  I for one don’t want or need any Chanukah presents.  I would much prefer that people make donations to organizations like IRAC or any other organization that is doing such important work in Israel, Canada or the USA.  Imagine what it could mean that if just for one night of Chanukah, instead of buying presents, all the money that you might have spent was donated to a worthy cause.  This is truly a lesson in giving that we need for the next generation to learn whether or not we have children or not.  As children grow, let them have involvement in deciding where monies should go and make sure that they contribute something, whether a portion of their allowance or some money from their own tzedakah box.

The Madoff scandal and the recession have taught us all some hard lessons about vulnerability, prioritization and excess.  I think this season is the time to start to create new customs and traditions that reflect the values that really are the most important, not the ones that help us to keep up with spending power of those around us.  This is the year to make Chanukah a true symbol of rededication.

My colleague and friend returns from five months of maternity leave.  I am quite possibly the most excited about this and in honour of her return (yes I spelled honor like a Canadian) I decorated her office.

My lovely colleague has a beautiful new daughter, a daughter she said would never wear pink. I have only ever seen her in pink.

Rabbis know how to have fun.