There’s a reason for a trained professional to officate

Every Sunday I read the New York Times. While I don’t necessarily read cover to cover, I always read the ‘Weddings & Celebrations’ section because I like to see who of my colleagues is officiating at weddings. And in the last few years, every Sunday, I get aggravated. There are increasing numbers of couples that do not get married by trained professionals, religious officiants who have taken courses in pastoral and pre-marital counseling. (For the record, I do not know what judges and other judicial officers require to officiate at a wedding. They might refer to a trained counselor to do this or do some of it themselves. If an officer of the court requires this counseling they are in this category). Instead, a friend or relative became ‘ordained’ (and that is in quotations because they did not do any schooling to get their ordination. It is more of an online form to fill out and a fee) and officiate at their wedding.

This is a huge problem.

Every clergy person that I know, regardless of denomination or faith tradition will only officiate at a wedding after meeting with the couple and doing several session of pre-marital counseling. These sessions ideally take place in-person but if necessary, can even take place over Skype/FaceTime/Google Hangout. Some clergy do this in a combination of group meetings (with a few other couples) and private sessions or just 3-6 private sessions. Here is a post about what a couple might expect from these meetings.

Me officiating at a wedding for a beautiful couple in a gorgeous setting.

Me officiating at a wedding for a beautiful couple in a gorgeous setting.

I do understand that not every couple has a shared faith tradition or wishes to have a religious officiant for their wedding. (This might make it even more important to talk about religion and marriage.) I assure you this isn’t a plea for religious weddings. Couples should have an officiant who meets all of their needs. However, it is a call to acknowledge that while a couple’s wedding day should be extremely special, it is also really about a marriage, one of the more significant commitments that two people enter into together. Officiants who are trained to about a marriage and what all involved hope to be a long-time relationship can help to solemnize a wedding that will lead to that of marriage.

The divorce rate in this country is extremely high. While marriages end for a wide variety of reasons, perhaps having an appropriate officiant and some pre-marital counseling could help lower this number. It can only make for a more healthy relationship!

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Summer reading

There’s been a lot going on this summer, and I was lucky enough to go on vacation and even read several books.

I enjoyed;

I liked the way this author wrote this story. I found it entertaining. A great summer read.

I have enjoyed all of Hosseini’s books. This was no different. I found it to be a beautifully written story and would recommend it.

I read and might not recommend strongly as fine works of fiction;

I think I’ve read all of Daniel Silva’s books featuring the character, Gabriel Allon. I really didn’t like the way this book ended, I find Silva gives up on the endings in general. Nevertheless you can be sure I will read the next book that comes out in the series.

I’m a little bit embarrassed to admit that I read this book. It is definitely not a fine work of fiction. It felt a little bit like it was written as a screenplay. However, it was an excellent book to read by the pool/on vacation.

What have you read this summer? Anything fantastic? I’m always looking for recommendations.

You can see my book log here. Feel free to ask if you want to know more of my thoughts on a particular book.

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Women of the Wall

Today is Rosh Chodesh Av. I’m writing this post after attempting to pray at the Kotel (Western Wall) this morning with Women of the Wall, an organization I’ve written about and prayed with many times. (I’m also typing this on my iPhone so please forgive the lack of hyperlinks and any mistakes. I will fix them at a later time).

My morning started at 5:30 with a blaring alarm. I needed to be at Liberty Bell park to get on the bus with Women of the Wall. Last week I saw a tweet from Women of the Wall that said registration was necessary as coming together would be the only way the police could guarantee security. Ie we needed a police escort to the Kotel. I arrived and saw many colleagues and friends, male and female. 2 announcements were made. First a request not to take pictures during the prayers and not to talk to reporters during prayer. We then boarded buses. There were probably 350 people or so based solely on the number of buses.

We had a police escort directly to the entrance/drop off of the Kotel. We are talking all traffic being stopped for us and if you have ever traveled in Jerusalem you might imagine this is no small thing. Closer to the entrance there were blue police gates keeping people from blocking our way. It was hard to describe the sense of the police and army protecting us. Completely opposite of my previous experiences.

We entered the security area of the plaza and were pretty much waved through. But we could not get near the Kotel. We were basically confronted with the blue police gates with hundreds of Haredi (ultra-Orthodox) men on the other side. I put on my Tallit and the morning service started. The Haredim screamed, sang, blew whistles and did everything imaginable to disrupt the prayer service. It was very difficult to hear the leader.

It is hard to even describe this to you. The vitriol spewing from other Jews. Being so far away from the Kotel (I didn’t know why yet) was weird and then the eggs started flying. Two of my colleagues, Rabbi Sari Laufer and Rabbi Amy Small were hit by eggs. Fortunately they were not hurt. Young haredi women stood not far away and were mocking people wearing Tallit and tefillin (phylacteries).

The Torah service started. There was no Torah scroll. I’m not one hundred percent certain why not, but I think it has to do with the ongoing negotiations. The first reading was done by a young woman who became a Bat Mitzvah. She became the third generation of women in her family to do so. This was a beautiful moment. A chair was brought in to lift her and celebrate this moment in her life. In the whole experience this was the only joyful moment (there was still whistling and jeering from the Haredim).

The service continued and I decided to take a walk to see what was going on and maybe take some more pictures. I was standing at the back of the group. I learned from others that we couldn’t go to the Kotel because thousands of young Haredi women were bused in at 5am to stand in the women’s section and crowd the Kotel plaza so there was no room for Women of the Wall. I felt more nauseated.

The worst was yet to come.

The service ended. Anat Hoffman stood on a chair and led the group in the singing of Hatikvah, the hope, the national anthem of the State of Israel. The haredim, men and women started screaming louder than ever before. Blowing whistles and behaving in a disgusting manner.

We got back on buses in an orderly fashion and went back to Liberty Bell Park. I still am reeling and feeling.

There is so much work to be done, my friends.

Posted in Israel, Politics | 4 Comments

Are you ready?

June has arrived. Many anticipate that some time this month (probably on a Monday or any day the last week of the month) the Supreme Court will issue rulings on Proposition 8 and DOMA. Confused about what the possible outcome(s) might be? Lambda Legal has come to the rescue with this extremely thorough and intelligible inforgraphic.

 

 

You can read more about it on the Lambda Legal blog.

Thank you Lambda Legal for this amazing resource!

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Dreams do come true

Fleetwood Mac is my favorite band. I always wanted to hear them in concert. Tuesday night I got to!

Stevie Nicks and Lindsey Buckingham perform "Landslide"

Stevie Nicks and Lindsey Buckingham perform “Landslide”

MY DAD loves to repeat the following father/daughter interaction (I think I was a senior in high school):

Me: Dad. I discovered this new band. They’re amazing.

Dad: Really?

Me: Yeah. They’ve been around for a while. They’re called Fleetwood Mac and they have this incredible album called Rumours.

Dad: (hysterically laughing for at least five minutes) So it is a new band? (More hysterical laughter)

Me: Yes. I said it was new to me. Not new. Have you ever heard of them.

Dad: (More hysterical laughter) Yes. The album is downstairs.

When MY DAD retells this conversation he continues to insert the hysterical laughter just from the memory of this conversation.

Anyway, last night I got to see Fleetwood Mac in concert and it was AMAZING.

This was the set list:

Second Hand News

The Chain

Dreams (see how clever the title of this blog post is?)

Sad Angel (new)

Rhiannon

Not that Funny

Tusk

Sara

Big Love

Neve Going Back Again

Landslide

Never Going Back Again (slow)

Without You (new)

Gypsy

Eyes of the World

Gold Dust Woman

I’m So Afraid

Stand Back (Stevie Nicks solo album song)

Go Your Own Way

(Encore 1) Big Worlds Turning (including amazing Mick Fleetwood drum solo)

Don’t Stop

(Encore 2) Silver Spring

Say Goodbye

I told you I was a serious fan. (I’d never written down a set list from a concert while the concern was happening and now I know I never have to do so thanks to google).

They played for two and a half hours without break. Lindsey Buckingham is a phenomenal guitar player. If you’ve never seen him live, find a YouTube video or something. Mick Fleetwood and John McVie were amazing on drums and bass, respectively though I didn’t expect anything less. Stevie Nicks was good, not great. It seemed like she was having trouble hearing and sometimes lyrics were a bit off from the rest of the group. The band’s energy was awesome. I’m still singing their songs days later.

Dreams do come true.

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Today I am a proud Minnesotan!

MN senate victoryThe governor is set to sign the bill tomorrow afternoon making Minnesota the 12th state (13 places when you include Washington, DC) where the freedom to marry exists.

 

 

 

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Waiting for Marriage Equality: A Prayer

My blog post for today can be found here.

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Remember

Today is Yom HaShoah, the day that the world remembers the Holocaust.

Below is one of the most powerful images I have ever seen because it describes in a single image what was taken away by the destructive powers of hate, fear, bigotry and ignorance.

 

And finally, as I remember today, I share this poem.

Written in Pencil in the Sealed Boxcar

Dan Pagis

 

Here in this [sealed] shipment (transport)

I [am] Eve

With Abel my son

If you see my older son

Cain the son of Adam

Tell him that I

 

From  Burnnshaw, Stanley, T. Carmi, Susan Glassman, Ariel Hirschfeld, and Ezra Spicehandler, editors. The Modern Hebrew Poem Itself: A new and updated edition. Detroit: Wayne State University Press, 2003. P. 221.

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Alef is for Alien

Alef is for Alien by Rabbi Michael Sommer and Illustrated by Eric Winter

Alef is for Alien by Rabbi Michael Sommer and Illustrated by Eric Winter

I am very excited to share a new resource for those of you readers who teach, parent, babysit, or ever encounter young people who could/should/would learn Hebrew. My colleague Rabbi Michael Sommer (aka Abba Sababa) has written an awesome book and Eric Winter has done amazing illustrations for an e-book now available on the iTunes store called Alef is for Alien. You can download this book (for the iBook app only at present) here.

The book is awesome. On every page you can hear the pronunciation of a Hebrew letter and there are VERY unique words that begin with each letter that also can be heard. (Hey is for Holographic Alien Signal, for example). At the end there is a beautiful image of all of the letters that could be used for recognition and review.

The illustrations in this book are amazing. I’m not a huge reader of children’s literature (though when I read aloud to a child I always include voices), but these are top-notch.

If my stellar review wasn’t enough of a reason for you to spend $4.99 to purchase this book, maybe the reason behind this collaboration will be, Superman Sam.

I am glad that I have this book on my iPad for the next time a young person is around and they want to read an age-appropriate book or I need to assist a young person (or ADULT) in a review of the letters of the Hebrew alef-bet and vowel sounds!

Download this book. You will be glad that you did!

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A Waiting Psalm

As we await news from the Supreme Court decision, I’ve prepared a psalm interpretation. You can find it here on the California Faith for Equality blog.

Please share! (with appropriate citation)

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