Why all the red matters to me

It has been quite a week. For me personally and our country as the Supreme Court heard oral arguments in both the Prop 8 and DOMA cases. (You can read my report from DC here)  Oh yeah and it is Passover and Holy Week, too.

And then there was the big surprise.

Human Rights Campaign changed their typically blue and yellow logo to red in support of marriage equality and the image went viral. On Wednesday I read a report that said the image was shared at least 43,000 times. (See and read an analysis on the HRC site of the change)

So what?

Personally this sea of red was incredibly moving to me. In the process of coming out to myself I made LOTS of false assumptions about how people might respond. I was scared and felt alone. Once I completed the most difficult task, coming out to myself, and then shared the information with my family and friends I was only welcomed with acceptance and love. I have not lost one friend or significant relationship with anyone I care about because I am a lesbian. I remember the tear-filled coming out conversation with MY SISTER when she said something like, “I’ve known you were a lesbian since you were 15.” To which I responded in hysterical tears, “Why didn’t you tell me! It would have been so much easier!” Even as I type those words I can hear her laughter at how ridiculous that was. Coming out was my own journey, my own process. Not one that anyone could speed up or slow down.

I wonder what it must feel like to the person still in the closet to see their friends and family, allies and LGBT, affirming that they are supportive in a subtle yet very public way. I assure you, that red symbol made a difference.

My colleague, Rabbi Mark Kaiserman, wrote this on his Facebook wall about why the sea of red matters:

Why changing the profile photo does matter.

As your timeline filled with notes about people changing their profile photo to red squares with 2 stripes (including the matzah and Yoda), many scoffed. “Why does it matter? Is the Supreme Court checking Facebook?

But it does matter.

The arguments for equality in marriage are at this exciting moment of possibility because public opinion has changed. When DOMA was signed, only 25% of Americans supported legal same sex marriage. Now it is more the 50%.

If you are seeing the flood of profile changes, it reinforces that your Fb friends are pro-equality and freedom. It helps influence those still on the fence. And it shows incredible support and solidarity with every GLBT individual and couple currently denied the right to marry by the Federal government.

This is a the same show of unity that you find going to a sports event with everyone in the same color, or a breast cancer walk with everyone in pink, or even people wearing green for St. Patrick Day. You can still support the cause without the “colors”. But this is a way to show it electronically. It is our digital community coming together for freedom and I am grateful to every person who has made the temporary switch.

I couldn’t agree more.

So though changing a profile picture to red might just be passive activism it does make a difference. And because I’m the Executive Director of an organization that is trying to make a difference EVERY DAY, if you want to move from passive to active support, here is a link to California Faith for Equality’s site where your secure, tax-deductible contribution will make a big difference. 

Thank you for making a difference.

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What did you do for Passover?

It is somewhat difficult to reflect on all that transpired in the last 36 hours. There have been many other times in my life when I felt that my feet were praying, as Rabbi Abraham Joshua Heschel describes, but this was different.

I arrived in Washington, DC on Monday evening and went directly to a rabbinic colleague’s family seder. As much as it was different from seders I’ve attended in the past it was also exactly the same, the beauty of Jewish ritual. It was a wonderful evening with delicious food, spirited conversation and lively singing. Though I didn’t actually want to leave, I knew that an early morning was rapidly approaching on Tuesday.

On Tuesday I was a participant in the Interfaith Prayer Service that started at 7:30am in advance of the rally at the Supreme Court of the United States (SCOTUS). The call time was 6:45 and for this Californian, that was VERY early.

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The service itself was wonderful. There were representatives from 15 faith groups, awesome singing and a volunteer choir. As you know, my work with California Faith for Equality started in July and I was a bit awe-struck to be participating in worship with people like Bishop Gene Robinson and fellow Californian, Bishop Yvette Flunder. In the planning for this moment, there was some worry that a service would be planned and no one would come. I’m happy to report that the church was full!

Rev. Karen Rasmussen and I

Rev. Karen Rasmussen and I

Rev. Rebecca Voelkel and I before the service starts

Rev. Rebecca Voelkel and I before the service starts

Opening rituals included Buddhist chanting

Opening rituals included Buddhist chanting

DSC_0065At the service’s conclusion, the faith leaders led the group to the site in front of SCOTUS where the rally was taking place. Somehow I ended up in the front holding the banner (I hope to find some pictures somewhere) and was grateful for my coat on a crisp, clear DC morning. There were thousands of people outside rallying for marriage equality. The call to wear red clearly was in effect and there were a wide variety of signs in support of the freedom to marry. It was all a little overwhelming!

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The only moments of contention occurred when those against freedom to marry marched through (this was a transparent plan and the capital police were prepared as were the marriage equality organizers). I describe the scene and you can see it for yourself in this vlog.

I didn’t take any pictures of the opposition (though you can see a lot of what was going on twitter (see the history for @rabbisteinman), California Faith for Equality’s Facebook page (that you should ‘like’ while you’re there), and at California Faith for Equality’s Instagram.

There were several moments when the crowd went wild. One of the most noticeable being when the plaintiffs and attorneys exited the court. I tried to capture a few pictures.

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DSC_0188One of the rally highlights for me personally was hearing Rabbi Denise Eger’s passion-filled words that beautifully linked the messages of Passover to the moments we were living. It was no accident that SCOTUS hearing Prop 8 and DOMA occurred on the first two days of Passover. You can hear Rabbi Eger’s words here.

DSC_0238DSC_0403Many people came up to me or when we passed by one another they wished me a “Chag Sameach, a Happy Passover.” (I was wearing a prayer shawl (tallit) and kippah). Many of my rabbinic colleagues were not able to necessarily attend the rally because they were leading Passover morning worship services at their synagogue. I’m grateful to be in a position where I could worship God and celebrate the Exodus from Egypt by participating in the great liberation movement of our day. Whatever the nine justices of the Supreme Court rule, the freedom to marry and the end of DOMA is coming.

parting the waters sederAfter a few hours of rest and updating social media, it was time to head over to Parting the Waters: A Prop 8 Passover at the headquarters of Human Rights Campaign. I had the privilege of leading this Seder with Rabbi Denise Eger! A small group of people ably led by Joanna Blotner put together this unbelievable evening. Knowing the confluence of Passover and the SCOTUS cases, Joanna saw this as an opportunity to link the clear themes of the exodus from Egypt to the freedom to marry. She and her committee put together a unique haggadah (prayerbook for the Seder meal), and invited faith leaders and anyone interested. The room was packed with at least 110 people and I know there was a waiting list! For some, this was their first-ever Passover Seder experience. There were so many highlights to the Seder, a variety of faith-leaders leading readings and participating, the celebratory vibe in the room, the number of young adult Jews participating (any 20-30s event planners dream), and perhaps the best–the only child in the room able to find the afikomen (there was also a baby) actually found the afikomen!

I didn’t take a lot of pictures of the seder (I was busy leading it) but people were tweeting along! Check #partingthewater for all of the fun!

And though Tuesday was chock full of events, there was another rally on Wednesday!

After a good night’s sleep (believe me it was MUCH needed), I made my way to SCOTUS. Wednesday’s rally against DOMA was also packed and so interesting in different kinds of ways. It was an even colder, crisp morning and the energy of the crowd was high. There were a variety of speakers and lots more signs of support. Many people that attended seder recognized me and said ‘Happy Passover’ and wanted to engage about the work that we all do together! It was awesome.

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After the rally, I grabbed a bite to eat and made my way to the airport. As I sit on the plane, I am joined by two of the plaintiffs of the original Prop 8 case, Jeff Zarillo and Paul Katami.

I can’t imagine a more fitting end to this Passover journey.

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A sermon to be heard in all the land

On Friday night I was asked to speak about the freedom to marry at Congregation Kol Ami. My sermon can be found here.

I hope others will speak on similar themes in the coming weeks as our nation prepares for oral arguments on Prop 8 and DOMA at the Supreme Court on the first two days of Passover! In my capacity as executive director of California Faith for Equality, I’m happy to speak with you!

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CF4E Passover Reading

cf4e-logoI am thrilled to share California Faith for Equality’s CF4E Passover Reading with you. Please share it with your family and friends AND remember to include it in your seder!

Passover Seder Reading

Tonight we read, “in every generation each individual is obligated to see him/herself as though s/he went forth from Egypt.” While we are gathered around our seder table we experience the bitterness of slavery, the maror (bitter herb) and the sadness of injustice even as we delight in the coming spring, the karpas (fresh greens). While we recall our experiences of old we are aware of the injustices of our own time. Our hearts and thoughts turn to those who do not yet experience freedom because of discrimination. Tonight we think of our lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender mothers and fathers, brothers and sisters, sons and daughters, friends and colleagues whose freedom is undermined. We pray that when we gather around the seder table next Passover, the freedom to marry will return to California and the Defense of Marriage Act will no longer be law in our land.

 

May the One who delivered our people from Egypt enable the justices of the Supreme Court to hear the turning tide and embrace the freedom to marry and the end of DOMA so that all of those who are oppressed may be free!

 

Written by Rabbi Eleanor Steinman

Executive Director

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Having it all

I wrote about having it all, here. Check it out! Thanks Busy Since Birth for the opportunity.

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A radical change

A few weeks ago I wrote about having trouble reading. One of my awesome classmates and colleagues wisely suggested I get my eyes checked.

Since I couldn’t exactly remember the last time I had my eyes checked this seemed like a brilliant suggestion. (It was definitely when I lived in the T-Dot).

I made an appointment from a recommended ophthalmologist. I packed up my pairs of glasses (I have 2 pair) ready to have my eyes checked and anticipating some change in my prescription (and spending money on a new lenses). All the usual eye doctor things happened. I read the eye chart with each eye covered (not at the same time!). I told him of my troubles with reading of late (also acknowledging that I spend a lot of time looking at screens of various sizes) and I have dry eyes generally.

Then he shocked me.

“You don’t need glasses. At least not for distance.”

What?? I have been wearing glasses for distance since I was a senior in high school. I have taken to wearing glasses most of the time (including prescription sunglasses) and see glasses as helpful but also a fun accessory. Being me I say, “You mean I don’t have to splurge on prescription sunglasses anymore and I could just go pick up a pair anywhere?”

“Sometimes this happens with people your age,” he said.

I think he might have been able to pick my chin up off the floor.

HOWEVER (you know that was coming) he then checked my vision for reading. I need READING glasses. Of course, cheaters won’t work exactly but me and your grandma both need glasses to see best for reading. (Until they’re ready I’ve been increasing the font size on my various devices).

“It is pretty uncommon for someone your age. You might have ___________________, but it just means that you need reading glasses prematurely. Come back in a year and I will check your eyes again,” he said.

The rest of the visit was routine. My eyes were dilated and everything looks healthy.

It’s been about 5 days since the big no glasses move. It still seems like I am missing something or forgetting to put something on when I’m working. I have to say that my eyes feel better.

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Books!

Awhile ago I posted about having difficulty reading. Well I’m happy to say something changed! I recently read The Invisible Bridge, Gone Girl and The Art of Fielding. I loved them all and would recommend them.

Do you have anything that you’ve read and loved? (Thanks to those of you who commented previously).

You can see what I’ve read in the past here.

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Creating Change

 

Read about my time at Creating Change here

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Home office tips needed

photoWelcome to my new office! That’s right I’m working from home and I need your best practices. I have already figured out that it is important to get outside during the day (no different from an office in a building). Fortunately, my office is in a room that I don’t tend to spend time in outside of the workday. How do you fit in exercise? What do you do for lunch? Fortunately I can also take my personal laptop and work from local coffee shops sometimes, too.

I built this standing desk to sit on top of an old kitchen tablet that was serving as a makeshift desk. The total for the parts was less than $25. So far it is working great. You can make your own by following these instructions. I quickly realized that I needed a gel mat to stand on, the wood floor is quite hard. That should arrive today.

(Yes I know CF4E has a beautiful iMac and there are cords running from the keyboard and mouse. If you would like to make a contribution or purchase a bluetooth keyboard and trackpad, this organization would be delighted to receive your contribution).

Is there anything that I’m missing? What are some of the things you do to make sure you have as productive a workday as possible?

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I’m having trouble reading

I’m not sure what it is exactly but I just don’t seem to be reading as many books as I once did.

I remember right after MY MOM died I definitely wasn’t reading. My eyes were tired from crying and I was emotionally and physically exhausted most of the time.

Last year while I was in school I was reading a lot but it was mostly for coursework and not for pleasure. What have you noticed in your own reading patterns? Are you reading more or less these days?

My own unprofessional diagnosis is that it has something to do with my eyes being tired from looking at screens (computer, iPad, iPhone, etc.) all day. Thoughts on that?

It’s been almost six months since I started working for California Faith for Equality and while I’ve read a few things, it is nothing like the quantity I used to read. I’ve determined that 2013 will be a year I read more. I will, of course, continue to update this page where I keep track of what I’ve read.

Have you read anything fabulous lately?

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